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Old 06-10-2008, 06:59 AM
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SummerBreeze SummerBreeze is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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Default Best Divorce Letter Ever

DEAR WIFE
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've
been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for
it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
you
quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new
haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand-new pair off silk
boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after
watching
all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want
sex
or anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the
case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to Spain
together! Have a great life!
__________________________________________________ ____________________


Dear Ex-Husband -

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that
you
and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far
cry
from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining
and
griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me
not
to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with
MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the £49.99
price
tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my
sister
had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So
when I hit the lotto for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought us
two
tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything
happens
for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said
that
the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take
care.
Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
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