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  #1  
Old 09-24-2007, 09:06 AM
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Default You may need to stop at the rest room ....

ISN'T THIS THE TRUTH ??????
you may need to stop at the women's restroom . . . be prepared!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line
of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's
your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall
is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the
woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the
wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The
dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom,
no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the
door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully,
but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her
grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and
assume " The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to
shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time
to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The
Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what
you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind,
you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried
to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet
paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday
- the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around
your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle
yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it
in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your
thumbnail .

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The
door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front
of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the
tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the
door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on
the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly
onto the TOILET SEAT.. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing
all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact
with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat
because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any,
even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would
be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare
bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear,
"You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire
hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of
water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your
shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force
that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of
being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and
the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum
wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out
inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic
sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel
and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at
the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper
trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You
yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and
tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered,
used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took
you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public
restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally
explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also
answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to
the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door,
hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it
so accurately!

Send this to all women that need a good laugh AND, don't forget to
have a mammogram!!!!!! It could save your life!

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Share this with a friend!
I Just Did!
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  #2  
Old 09-24-2007, 09:16 AM
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That was hysterical! Thanks for sharing. I needed a good laugh today!
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  #3  
Old 09-24-2007, 09:51 AM
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so true............
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Old 09-24-2007, 11:46 AM
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This is so funny....I cracked up!

I hate the lines in the women's restrooms. While I was in Portland last week my husband and I had to go to the bathroom. We found the men's bathroom that had no one in line but the women's line was wrapped around the building (go figure) so I told my husband I was going to use the men's restroom which I did.
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  #5  
Old 09-24-2007, 03:00 PM
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I read this at work. I was snortin' and snickerin' so much I believe my boss thought I was having a heart attack!
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  #6  
Old 09-24-2007, 09:57 PM
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  #7  
Old 09-25-2007, 03:43 AM
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Old 09-25-2007, 04:22 AM
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thanks great way to start my day with a laugh
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Old 09-25-2007, 05:30 AM
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that was funny.
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