1 ∑ I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
2 ∑ There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
3 ∑ Life is sexually transmitted.
4 ∑ Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
5 ∑ The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
6 ∑ Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
7 ∑ Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
8 ∑ Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9 ∑ All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
10 ∑ In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it Normal.
11 ∑ How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
12 ∑ Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'?
13 ∑ If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
14 ∑ Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look there anyway?
15 ∑ If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
16 ∑ If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
17 ∑ Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
18 ∑ Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
19 ∑ Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
20 ∑ Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?