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  #1  
Old 08-30-2007, 10:58 AM
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Christine Christine is offline
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Default Need some advice.........

Hi everyone
As most of you know I am currently going through a divorce.
I'm ok with it and don't need condolences. (thank you)

My question is has anyone ever hired a Divorce mediator?
This is 1 Lawyer who represents the plaintiff and defendant .
Ex has met with one and the Lawyer called me up yesterday to set up an appointment. I did........for next Thursday.
I was told to bring a list of demands ,and my ex will than the Lawyer acts as a go between.
I guess the Divorce goes through quick.

I have no idea what list of demands to ask for and how much child support and alimony to ask for. I was going to ask for health insurance and dental.

I have been through so much with this jerk that I don't want him to get away without giving me what is owed.

I plan on keeping the kids and being at home for them but was wondering if that is a good idea or should I suggest joint custody so I can put more hours in to afford a better lifestyle. the last thing I want to do is harm my kids. I don't care how "resilient" children are professed to be.

Any advice........no sympathy or prayers please........would be appreciated.

Thanks
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Old 08-30-2007, 01:38 PM
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http://www.divorcenet.com/ Good luck and Happy Divorcing!
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Old 08-30-2007, 01:45 PM
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Joint custody depends on what kind of dad is he? Is he a good Dad? Does your kids love him and want to be with him? I got full custody of my daughter because her sperm donor wanna be dad didn't care. Eventually he ended up giving up his rights to her, but he was a loser in many ways. As far as a mediator, the only way that will work is if there is no hostility. With there being any hostility or really bad feelings I would much rather have my own representation and KNOW that person is getting me every last dollar I can get. It takes lots of money to raise kids as you already know. Your a good Mom! Good luck Sweety and I know you will be darned happy when it is over.
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Old 08-30-2007, 02:03 PM
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I know several women who have divorced and some have joint custody but remain the custodial parent so they have the final say in most decisions. You also should insist that he carry life insurance with your children as his beneficiary on the policy. If he remarries and then dies your child support would stop and your children might not get anything from his estate. You should request that he carry health and dental insurance on his children. My niece agreed to split any amount not covered by insurance with her ex - although he seldom pays his amount.
It is definitely true that a mediator only works if there is no hostility or distrust. If you think that your almost ex would try to hide any assets you should hire a lawyer. Mediation is cheaper but not necessarily in your best interests.
Don't let him play you. good luck!!
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Old 08-30-2007, 02:57 PM
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I presume you will jointly pay for the mediator. (Hard for them to represent more than one side if only one party is paying them!) I guess I would take a list of ever demand that occurred to you, and hash it out at the meeting. Did your soon-to-be-ex think of this on his own, or was it suggested by the court or his lawyer?
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Old 08-30-2007, 02:59 PM
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1. No to a mediator....haven't heard of anyone yet that felt it was
a good out come with some legal beagle just taking your money and
not doing much to get you what you want/need.
2. Consider strongly for full custody. Reason is what if you ever want
to move to another state? With joint custody, he could prevent you
from doing that until your kids are 18 or older and on their own. Is
that something you can live with?
3. Yes, you want dental and health insurance at least for your kids
and he pays for it. You will be doing all the taking to appointments,
getting meds when needed, caring for them daily whether they are
well or ill.
4. Alimony...get as much as you can but it will depend on state laws
as to how much may be allowed. Some states base it on years of
marriage, number of children involved, home maintenance costs, and
a number of other things. Be prepared to bring to the table/court
at least 1-2 years of bills like house payment, home owners insurance,
electric bills, gas bills, etc. Do you want the house?
5. Yes, he should get for each child an life insurance policy on
himself and each child.
6. Get your own lawyer and be very very specific about the wording
on every detail.
7. Do you want to keep his last name or do you want your maiden
name back?
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Old 08-30-2007, 04:42 PM
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Listen to Ms. Pepper. My best girlfriend tried to go the mediator route and she would have been royally screwed had she done things that way. She had to hire the meanest divorce lawyer she could find and it still was a bloodbath.
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Old 08-30-2007, 07:22 PM
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I really don't mean for this to sound rude, so I apologize now if it seems that way. After reading your post and those that followed it occured to me that the best advice would come from a divorce lawyer. You sound determined to do what's best for your children and I'd have to agree with Christy in that you should be represented by your own attorney. With that said the court may very well want to appoint a Guardian at lietem (spelling?) who would represent your children as well. I think that you deserve more than you might even realize and an attorney who represents just you and your children is in your best interest, not someone representing you and your soon to be ex spouse. Leave the mediator for sports and businesses. Your worth more.

Kathy
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Old 08-30-2007, 07:46 PM
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Insurance is expensive for a single person, when it is not under an employer, so I cannot imagine what it would be like for a family. You don't want that expensive, so, as everyone has said, get insurance. As for the rest of the requests, it is sometimes hard to ask for things, but you don't want to get the short end of the stick. As for more than you can think of, and then you can be happy when the list is cut and you get just what you want.
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Old 08-31-2007, 04:07 AM
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if your ex had his lawyer as mediactor, you should have your own lawyer with you at mediator meeting and also having your own lawyer as your back up to make sure that your ex's lawyers dont hide anything or hidden assets for your ex-husband and that your lawyers help you to make sure anything you read or seen is not signed til you are clear on what you know or wants.you would have a peace of mind if you have your own lawyer and also make sure that your lawyer is not someone that your ex knows. i hope you can make a clean break and new life for you and kids.
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