The Zen of Sarcasm
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.