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Old 04-15-2010, 06:35 AM
curious74432 curious74432 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Homosassa, Florida
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Default You can't fix stupid--

>> You can't make this stuff up! Make sure you read all the way to the
>> end.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> NEW YORK - resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends
>> and family
>> when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance
>> on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.'
>>
>> Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first
>> question
>> and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing 'the absolute
>> worst use
>> of lifelines ever.' After being introduced to the show's host
>> Meredith Vieira, Evans was posed with a typically easy initial $100
>> question.
>>
>> The question was: 'Which of the following is the largest?'
>>
>> A) A Peanut
>> B) An Elephant
>> C) The Moon
>> D) Hey, who you calling large?
>>
>> Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she
>> did
>> not
>> readily know the answer. 'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans,
>> as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief.
>> 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before,
>> but I have no idea how large they would be.'
>>
>> Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the
>> 50/50.
>> Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was
>> bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly
>> easy question, Evans still remained unsure.
>>
>> 'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans...
>> 'Darn. I think I better phone a friend.'
>> Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend
>> Betsy, who is an office assistant.
>>
>> 'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans,
>> wasting the first seven seconds of her call.
>> 'Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the
>> largest?
>> B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.'
>> Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon.
>> Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten
>> seconds.
>> 'Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh, that can't
>> be
>> it.'
>>
>> To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her
>> friend's
>> advice. 'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that
>> bright.
>> So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans.
>>
>> Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor
>> of
>> answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines,
>> Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life.
>> 'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the
>> too-stupid-to-live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go
>> with
>> your gut. So, let's see... I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant.
>> Final answer.'
>>
>> Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with
>> bated
>> breath -
>> and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C,
>> 'The
>> Moon..'
>> Caution...they walk among us!
>> ---------------------
>> This one is equally unbelievable.. (No comments needed!)
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> They Walk Among Us!
>> ----------------------------
>>
>> Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
>> To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a
>> sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
>> For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
>> He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
>> So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'
>>
>> The next day someone stole it!
>>
>> They walk amongst us!
>> -------------------------------------
>> I stopped at Mc Donald's and ordered some fries.
>> The girl behind the counter said "would you like some fries with that?"
>>
>> --------------------------
>> *One day I was walking down the beach with
>> some friends when someone shouted.....
>> 'Look at that dead bird!'
>> Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'
>>
>> They walk among us!
>>
>> ----------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> While looking at a house, my brother asked the
>> estate agent which direction was north because
>> he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
>> She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
>> My brother explained that the sun rises in the east
>> and has for sometime. She shook her head and said,
>> 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'
>>
>> They Walk Among Us!
>> --------------------------------------------
>>
>> My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria,
>> when we overheard an admin girl talking about the
>> sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
>> She drove down in a convertible, but said
>> she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned
>> because the car was moving'.
>>
>> They Walk Among Us!
>> ------------------------------------
>>
>> My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
>> which is designed to cut through a seat belt
>> if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.
>>
>> They Walk Among Us!
>>
>> -------------------------------------------------
>> I was going out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring
>> attached to an earring by a chain.
>> My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip
>> out every time she turns her head!"
>> I had to explain that a person's nose and ear
>> remain the same distance apart no
>> matter which way the head is turned...
>>
>> They Walk Among Us !
>> -------------------------------
>> I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the
>> lost luggage office and reported the loss.
>> The woman there smiled and told me not to worry
>> because she was a trained professional and
>> said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me,
>> 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
>> (I work with professionals like this.)
>>
>> They Walk Among Us!
>> ------------------------------------------------
>> While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man
>> ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked
>> him if he would like it cut
>> into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
>> then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
>> enough to eat 6 pieces.
>>
>> They Walk Among Us!
>> And last, but not least:
>>
>> Dumb as a box of Rocks
>> A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN
>> CONGRESS,TRUE
>> STORY:
>>
>> A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where
>> Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to
>> schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he
>> was
>> most at ease.
>>
>> 'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental
>> deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
>>
>> 'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone
>> should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you
>> on
>> the track..'
>>
>> 'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
>>
>> Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world
>> and
>> died during one of them. Which one?''
>>
>> Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You
>> wouldn't
>> happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know
>> much
>> about history.'
>>
>>
>> Sadly, not only do they walk among us, they vote and their vote
>> equals
>> ours and they also reproduce!
>>
>> Traffic Camera
>>
>> A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured
>> that
>> his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew
>> that
>> he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and
>> passed
>> the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
>> Now
>> he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as
>> he
>> passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a
>> fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now
>> laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a
>> snail's
>> pace... Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving
>> without
>> a seat belt..
>>
>>
>> You can't fix stupid.
>>
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