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Old 08-06-2010, 06:13 AM
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In my new job, I work with 2 ladies who make about $1600/month LESS than I do. I buy them veggies and fruit when the Friday Farmer's Market comes around to our building in the summer. I bought a tiny fridge and a small 700 watt microwave so we could bring food and heat it up, rather than have to buy stuff from our snack bar. I bring food to share (usually bagels, english muffins, peanut butter, no-sugar jelly, stuff like that) and instant drink mix and bottled water.

One of the girls asked me 2 weeks ago for $20 until payday. I wrote her a check (I just don't carry much money around with me, unless I am planning to use it for something in particular). The other girl asked the first one for $10 for gas just before the 1st of the month. . .I had a $5 and I gave her that (she didn't asked me. . .I sit between them and of course heard the conversation & just walked over and gave it to her when the 1st girl said she didn't have it.)

The one who borrowed $10 said before the 1st that she would pay me on payday. I told her no problem, not to worry about it. She didn't pay me, nor did she make an effort to make other arrangements or apologize. I'm wondering if she thought I meant not to worry about it at all? The girl to whom I lent the $5 has made no effort at all to repay me.

Under normal conditions, these amounts are probably small enough that I wouldn't worry much about them, but with my middle son home (out of lockup for trying to commit suicide with a gun he wasn't supposed to have) and unemployed (so I am trying to help him a bit financially), the S.O. also unemployed, my youngest supporting his own and another man's child and fighting him in court for custody (which I am also trying to help finance), my eldest in trouble with the law for giving a ride to someone who hid drugs in my kid's car (for which defense I am assisting some too), I JUST CAN'T AFFORD to be this generous. I feel badly too, because the charities I used to give too continue to send me calendars and note pads and even t-shirts, but I can no longer afford to support them . . . at least not now.

Oh, BTW, the girl I loaned the $20 to had her husband BUY and bring her breakfast and lunch yesterday (because our snack bar was closed), she had him buy the 2nd girl a coke and she asked if I wanted anything. I said I would appreciate a cup of ice. Later I asked if the large 7-11 cup he brought filled with ice had cost anything and she said, "probably." I gave her a quarter and said I hoped it didn't cost more than that and she said "probably not." I guess I was hoping for a response more along the lines of "don't worry about it, I'll just deduct it from the money I owe you."

Anywaaaay, my question is this: do I just let the money the girls "owe me" slide this time and try to be wiser next time, or do I try to find some tactful way to request the return of the money? I have a doctor's appt. today and need to leave at 1:30. Today happens to be Farmer's Market day (from 11 to 1:00). I feel they've come to rely on my supplementing their weekend fare with veggies/fruits and will feel crummy if I just stop buying them stuff. What are your opinions on all this? Your input is appreciated!! Thank you!

Feeling like a sap. . .
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Last edited by MagiePerdu : 08-06-2010 at 06:17 AM.
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Old 08-06-2010, 06:37 AM
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Wow, that sounds to me like they're not really even thinking about paying you back. Maybe you should throw a hint their way when you leave today, like sorry, you'll have to get your own veggies today, I just have too many other expenses right now, or something like that. I'm not sure how much of your life's problems you share with them, but they don't mind sharing theirs with you, it seems. My cleaning lady has been "borrowing" 5 or 10 dollars here and there, and I don't expect to ever get much of it back. I guess if you don't lend it to them, you won't have to wonder if they'll repay you. (hee hee)

Just my thoughts, I'm sure you would like to keep things pleasant with them. I worked in offices for 23 years, and there were always conflicts between some people, including me(with 2 ladies). With your close quarters, (another problem I had), it would be tough to take not getting along, or even imagining that, for me. It can make a job very unpleasant.

I wish you good luck today!
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Old 08-06-2010, 09:48 AM
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Default Wow!

This is a hard one. I wish you would have asked us this question first before giving them the money. I totally agree with Mary C. What would have really sent me over the top is that she didn't ask if you wanted anything. I really believe in being a good christian and giving to the needy, but those two. Yikes! I have some ungrateful sister in law always asking for money. But now she knows better than to ask me and just goes to my husband (who feels guilty). Leave your cash and checkbook at home at all times, so you will never have the opportunity to lend or shop at the farmers market. Good luck, start to keep journal about these two. They sound like they might be capable of a variety of things. Keep us posted!
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:02 AM
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Ladies, thank you for helping me think "out loud." I guess I should just write off the money I've spent. I couldn't bypass the Farmer's Market all together, but instead of buying several different fruits and veggies, I just bought us each a few peaches, so didn't spend as much as I usually do and henceforth, I'm gonna FORGET my checkbook! Thanks for the support and the suggestions! Y'all are the BESTEST!
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Old 08-06-2010, 03:18 PM
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Totally agree with Dancer`s mom...good luck and keep us posted
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:57 PM
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Patti, I would just be honest and tell them that your extra money is going to help out several members of your family and that you are just tapped out right now. Then I would ask next if anyone wanted to contribute to the Farmer's Market fund ( or even start a change jar or save the soda cans for the recycling fee). If no one contributed I would bring things for myself, and, if on occasion you can share, then bring a treat for the day. If they don't understand that your family comes first, then they are just moochin' anyway. I know they make less money, but there must be a reason for that, their fault or not.

I would just be honest and if they don't understand that, well, then they probably don't deserve all of the goodies.
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Last edited by Nan : 08-07-2010 at 11:25 AM.
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Old 08-07-2010, 06:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nan View Post
Patti, I would just be honest and tell them that your extra money is going to help out several members of your family and that you are just tapped out right now. Then I would ask next if anyone wanted to contribute to the Farmer's Market fund ( or even start a change jar or save the soda cans for the recycling fee). If no one contributed I would bring things for myself, and, if on occasion you can share, then bring a treat for the day. If they don't understand that your family comes first, then they are just moochin' anyway. I know they make lass money, but there must be a reason for that, their fault or not.

I would just be honest and if they don't understand that, well, then they probably don't deserve all of the goodies.
I like this .................
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Old 08-07-2010, 07:43 AM
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Thanks, ladie. I know, I know, I KNOW that honesty really is the best policy in all instances. . .I just didn't wanna hurt anyone's feelings and so I did what I thought I could do. However, the SO's B.D. was last month, my granddaughter this month. . .oh, heck, you all know that it's ALWAYS one thing or another crawling up your leg to bite you in the wallet. I s'pose I will try and adopt the honesty policy. . .I honestly do not carry money on me (never more than $5 max) that isn't already earmarked for something. Too bad that farmer's market takes checks. . .good thing is they're only there thru August 3 more weeks I can mebbe afford corn for everyone (3 ears for $1. . .that's do-able)! Thanks for the input, friends.
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Old 08-07-2010, 07:57 AM
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You are far too generous and may have a "codependent" nature. These are grown women with husbands/families. Quit buying them things, mark the "loans" down to learning experience and do not loan or give them anything else. THey sound unappreciative and like "users" to me. You don't owe them anything and so what if you make more money than they do-if they want to make more money let them find another job or take a 2nd job--they are not your responsibility. As for your kids, I think you could benefit from some counseling on tough love and codependency issues. We all have our problems and you are like me and too many other ladies--looking out for others and not number 1 and trying to fix everyone's problems--you simply can't do it and you have to let people take care of themselves. I hope this helps. You sound like far too nice a person to be worrying over these 2 co-worker losers. Good luck. PM me if you need any other ideas/assistance, etc. if you think my response was helpful. (I did Child Support Enforcement for over 25 years; dealt with all kinds, worked with all kinds--lots of experience under my belt).
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Old 08-07-2010, 10:57 AM
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Thanks for the splash of water, Curious. There is no doubt that I have a codependent nature. . .I've fought it most of my adult life and THOUGHT I had it under control. . .that is, until I found myself in a situation that screamed for a codependent. . .sighhh...don't need to warn me about that, I'm unfortunately all too aware. I appreciate your support and comments tho, I truly do!
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