Opinions requested - Page 2

Nan · #11 08-07-2010, 10:31 AM

I too can be a total enabler and care-taker. Seventeen years of being married to an alcoholic can do that to a person!

A book that really helped me is "Co-Dependent No More" by Melanie Beatty. It helped me see that my behavior was doing WAY more damage than good. I was enabling others to continue destructive behaviors and denying them educational opportunities crucial to their personal growth and development. Many times in life we learn because of pain. If people are continually supplemented, they have no reason to work harder to become more successful.

PS - Hey Curious! Nice to see you in Chit Chat!

grams1952 · #12 08-07-2010, 08:02 PM

You are a good heart... But, now you know how things roll. I think sharing what you take in is good enough for now.. how about you????

bikerbabe · #13 08-08-2010, 02:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nan

Patti, I would just be honest and tell them that your extra money is going to help out several members of your family and that you are just tapped out right now. Then I would ask next if anyone wanted to contribute to the Farmer's Market fund ( or even start a change jar or save the soda cans for the recycling fee). If no one contributed I would bring things for myself, and, if on occasion you can share, then bring a treat for the day. If they don't understand that your family comes first, then they are just moochin' anyway. I know they make less money, but there must be a reason for that, their fault or not.

I would just be honest and if they don't understand that, well, then they probably don't deserve all of the goodies.

This Is A great idea.......this way you can help if you want/like...and
other`s can contribute....as NAN point`s out they should apprecate
you for who you are..not what you give them

MagiePerdu · #14 08-08-2010, 04:53 AM

Thank you all for caring and for your suggestions and support. I will endeavor to be a stronger person and retain what I need before giving to others. I read that as the "bottom line" in most of your messages. I wish you all a good and healthy (in all ways) day!

Christine · #15 08-08-2010, 06:02 PM

I would keep sharing my purchases from the farmers market. I would hate to see anyone go hungry.
WHen the time comes and you are asked to borrow money from again I would remind the person that they still owe you whatever amount they borrowed from you.
I have a rule never to lend money. I have been taken too many times.

Good luck Patti. You have way to much on your plate.

beanie · #16 08-09-2010, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christine

I would keep sharing my purchases from the farmers market. I would hate to see anyone go hungry.
WHen the time comes and you are asked to borrow money from again I would remind the person that they still owe you whatever amount they borrowed from you.
I have a rule never to lend money. I have been taken too many times.

Good luck Patti. You have way to much on your plate.

I gotta disagree. I dont think these women are going hungry, I think they thought they've found them an easy way to save money. I personally agree with Nan and the rest, they are most certainly using you, and your graciousness. And I would also leave my checkbook closed. I also dont carry money, and I only use checks, it helps out bunches.

MagiePerdu · #17 08-09-2010, 02:47 PM

Actually, the one girl (who has a young son, about 10) said SHE hadn't eaten all weekend. I cratered and gave her the popcorn I'd brought (it was just for snacking) and a candy bar. THe other lady said her milk went bad over the weekend in the fridge I bought and wanted to borrow money to buy some for her cereal this morning. I have her 4 quarters. The first girl kept talking about not having money until Thursday (she gets paid differently because she frequently takes off to take her son to the doctor - he has bad allergies - in fact she took him today and brought him back to work with her...he did look bad). Anyway, I didn't offer anything and she finally said she had overdraft coverage and was going to go to the grocery store and write a bad check for $100. (It would scare me to death to do that!)

Nan · #18 08-09-2010, 04:02 PM

Magie, maybe there are programs that could help them. If they truly need help, then they should qualify for food stamps. I worked for non-profs for years and many times I found that some people didn't know how to live within their means. Not that they are frivolous, just lacking in money management skills, like budgeting, coupon shopping, meal planning, etc. We all have to know how to manage what we have and not spend everything we make. It's very hard sometimes, but it is one of the best skills one can possess to lead a successful life. It really comes down to priorities. I know...I (like most of us) have been very "without". Maybe they haven't ever had a good example on how to live below their means.

Oh, and BTW, I doubt very much that she went ALL weekend without food. I don't think she would have made it in to work.

Christine · #19 08-09-2010, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beanie

I gotta disagree. I dont think these women are going hungry, I think they thought they've found them an easy way to save money. I personally agree with Nan and the rest, they are most certainly using you, and your graciousness. And I would also leave my checkbook closed. I also dont carry money, and I only use checks, it helps out bunches.

I dunno.....I worked homecare and the things I saw would make your hair stand straight up...people do go hungry and some do not qualify for help.

bikerbabe · #20 08-09-2010, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MagiePerdu

Actually, the one girl (who has a young son, about 10) said SHE hadn't eaten all weekend. I cratered and gave her the popcorn I'd brought (it was just for snacking) and a candy bar. THe other lady said her milk went bad over the weekend in the fridge I bought and wanted to borrow money to buy some for her cereal this morning. I have her 4 quarters. The first girl kept talking about not having money until Thursday (she gets paid differently because she frequently takes off to take her son to the doctor - he has bad allergies - in fact she took him today and brought him back to work with her...he did look bad). Anyway, I didn't offer anything and she finally said she had overdraft coverage and was going to go to the grocery store and write a bad check for $100. (It would scare me to death to do that!)

Sweety dont give in......again also there are many
Charties that will help there is

Food Stamp`s ...

Angel Food Drive`s at churches

and for health coverage
Medicade for her kid...you could offer